Slice of Life Day 7

03.07.15

SOL

4 days a month, 48 days a year, give or take.  I’m lucky, I suppose, but any day away from my two oldest is hard…

My sadness would come out as crankiness on those Friday nights. In their absence, I wouldn’t quite be able to “place” the emotion, the reason for the “cranks” (unnecessarily taken out on my husband), until I finally really thought about it and could name the emotions and how empty it felt to have them be away.

It’s only 4 days I tell myself: Time to miss each other, appreciate what we take for granted in the other 27.

I rarely remember my dreams, but last night I dreamt that my kids’ step mother and I were talking, I mean really talking… about our daughter. It is physically difficult for me to get those words out of my mouth: “Our daughter.” You see, we don’t talk at all, she and I. Except to say, “Hey,” as we exchange the kids.  I wish for the kind of relationship like Julia Roberts’ and Susan Sarandon’s characters had in the last third of that movie, minus the terminal illness.

But, the nightmare is in my dying one day in some terrible freak accident and then having her turn from a 4 day a month mom to a 31 day a month mom, to a 365 day a year mom. She is a good person, and a  nurse.  Her job is caring for others. She is smart and she works hard and she loves my two kids, our kids.  I can’t complain about that.  And they love her, and for that, I am lucky.

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12 thoughts on “Slice of Life Day 7

  1. Your writing shows how hard this is. Difficult to share parenting because it is not something that is not easily shared with their Dad’s wife. You highlight this by stating the time away…4 days a month, 48 days a year, give or take. I think writing can help us sort through the challenging things.

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  2. I have just started sharing custody with my husband–we separated in December, and my girls are with him this weekend. Thank you for sharing your emotions in this slice–it has made me feel less alone.

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  3. I clicked on your post because the title intrigued me. Your struggle is that of so many moms, my sister newly included in that group too. Your post helps me understand what she is going through. Thank you for that. I hope that this imperfect situation finds a way to work for all. Your writing is honest and true.

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  4. It’s hard to let go, but you are wise to realize that this other woman is a caring good person who does love your kids. That’s the important part to remember.

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  5. I am the “other woman” and it is really hard for us too. I say this with the utmost respect. We love your children not because we are suppose to but rather because we want to. I too never really spoke to my husband’s ex until the oldest was getting married some 25 years ago. I called her and asked why we really never spoke? Short story we became good “friends” over the years and spent many birthdays of the grand kids together. And you know who loved it the most? The kids. . . . Our kids 🙂

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  6. It is strong of you to think positively about this person with whom you share your children. You are stronger than I could be. I admire your writing here. And your approach to the situation.

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